I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize