i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
