I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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