My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
wow bdsm is so cute
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
