Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
