i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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