doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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