Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
it's great music for shaving your balls
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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