I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
