As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
