I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
