i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
