You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
