omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
