The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
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