Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm really busy with my period
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