I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
