It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
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When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
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I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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