my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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