what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
