It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
