The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
