Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
