Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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