I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
