I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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