I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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