I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
