Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
