Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
