Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
