i just google imaged poop.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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