I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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