Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
handjob tips. give me some.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
