just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
