So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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