He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
