Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
