My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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