I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize