i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
