i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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