Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
