Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
