I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
