Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
