It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
