if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
