he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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