Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
