I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
