Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just want to make out with him forever
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
