All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
