I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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