What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
