I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
