you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
