I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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