dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
