I must be too annoying 4 u.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just blew my weed a kiss
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I deserve this hangover.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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