So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
we should paint friendship bongs
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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