when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
