i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I believe in your delicious
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
