his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize