Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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