just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
