I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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