Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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