I'm going to jail i love you
I just cut my nipple shaving
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
