One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
