guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
