My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
