he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Send help, water and tortillas.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
