I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
