It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
