i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
