She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
