My nipple is on Facebook.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
