Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
