you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
