absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
