I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
