So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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