i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
